AJ’s favorite things
We are approaching the day.
February 16th marks one year of AJ’s heavenly adventures. I don’t know what to call this day.
Selfishly, it doesn’t feel like a celebration, and reflecting on the details is excruciating. It’s a reminder that time without AJ is passing, and I don’t understand how the world keeps moving when he isn’t in it.
It’s a day that will forever sting—the day all of our earthly effort and a million prayers were thrown back in our face and time stamped: Denied.
It’s the day we spent years in cancer-treatment hell trying desperately to avoid.
At AJ’s Celebration of Life, I spoke about something that I still wrestle with: Failure.
The day feels marked by failure.
I failed to protect my child from a cancer diagnosis… and failed to save him from it, too.
Grief guilt is loud.
And it gets even louder when you have credentials and experience. I am/was a Naturopath. I worked at an alternative cancer clinic. I had an abundance of knowledge, tools, and clinical experience supporting people holistically through a cancer diagnosis. I saw miracles. Most people are never aware of these modalities, and frankly, it’s a crime.
I truly believed that with both camps of care—conventional and alternative—AJ would no doubt be sharing his survival story. His miracle.
But that’s not what happened.
And I’m still spinning in the aftermath.
The thing about grief is that it doesn’t care about logic. I can know things in my head but not feel them in my heart. I know this is not my fault, but it feels like the outcome was my responsibility.
A parent simply cannot make sense of child loss no matter how it happens. There’s only brutally honest emotion, pain, exhaustion, and raw vulnerability left when you’ve been stripped of everything you thought the world promised.
This kind of separation from your child feels like living in a permanent weighted vest: awkward, uncomfortable, heavy, and too tight. It inflicts an indescribable ache, steals your breath, and triggers a constant longing for a different truth… one where I never had to put it on.
It’s both my burden and privilege to wear.
Of course I’d trade it in a second to have AJ back here and cancer-free, but I’ll never get that wish. So I’m locked in for life, and I pray that someday this weighted vest of grief begins to feel more like a giant permanent hug from my boy.
I’ve shared my pain and stories of AJ. I’m going to keep sharing, not because I have anything figured out, but because it helps me process… and because the memories carry AJ’s life and legacy forward.
But I want to share more of the joy. The light. The way AJ lived.
AJ was not cancer. He was adventure. He was fun. He was joy. He was playful. He was all about his friends, family, and good food… with a side serving of strong-willed and stubborn.
Help Us Remember AJ For How He Lived
What I WANT to remember about February 16th is the abundance of love that surrounded AJ. I think it’s fitting that he began his hike to heaven on Valentine’s Day. His two days of traveling to God were absolutely overflowing with LOVE. He was surrounded by the highest possible frequency. We never left his side, pouring love into him until he decided it was time to go. He shed his broken body and all of his agony and took a brave, courageous first step into heaven, taking all of our love with him.
He is our hero.
In an effort to honor him—and remember him for how he LIVED—I’m taking the lead from another bereaved mom friend and sharing a list of AJ’s Favorite Things.
Over the next few days and on Monday, February 16th, we’d love for you to do one or more things from the list!!!
And please do us a favor, take a photo and share it with us. Tag me, send a text, post it, message me… anything, just share what you do!
Let us see AJ through your eyes—in the snow, in the sunshine, in the simple moments, in the places he loved, and eating the food he enjoyed. We want to share in your remembrances of our boy. We want to collect evidence that his love and light still move through this world.
I like to imagine AJ in heaven smiling, reminding us… Don’t worry about a thing. Every little thing, gonna be alright. I imagine him running around in playful bliss with Jovie and all his new friends, excited when we do one of his favorite things, then telling Heaven all of the stories behind what he loves!!!
Your participation will lift our spirits more than you know.
Thank you for loving him. Thank you for remembering him. Thank you for helping us keep his joy loud and his favorite things a priority.
AJ’s Favorite Things
Food:
Tacos!!! Make your own or order Habanero Tacos and use the Yellow sauce
Wings at D-Sopt or your local fave - try a new flavor and give us/AJ your review
Dave's Hot Chicken sandwich - order the #2, medium spice (sometimes he’d get 1 hot and 1 medium), no slaw, with honey packets
Pizza - Pepperoni/Jalapeno/Hot honey
Piada Order - Carbonara with hot chicken, penne noodles, extra sauce
Cafe Zupa Order- Turkey bacon avocado sandwich and Southwest potato and green chili soup and enjoy the chocolate-covered strawberry
Texas Roadhouse order - any steak or country fried chicken with white gravy, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese
Make at home: Butter-basted steak/mashed potatoes/Szechuan green beans
Fancy Ramen noodles with some spice
Make Tyler’s White Chili - click HERE for recipe download
Make Man Dip with Fritos Scoops - click HERE for recipe download
Snack on carrots with Jimmy’s Dill Dip - must be the dill dip
Raspberries and strawberries with homemade whipped cream
Chocolate lava cake with ice cream
Skillet cookie with Ice cream
Cookie dough ice cream
Fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies
Make Grandma Kathy’s Pumpkin Bars - click HERE for recipe download
Drink:
Arnold Palmer - DIY version - TAZO Organic English Breakfast tea cold brewed with a splash of lemonade
Tasty Chocolate Milk
Dr. Pepper
Baja Blast from Taco Bell
Leinenkugel's Honey Lemon Light - or any Leinenkugel beer…they are family!!!!
Clarity THC Drink Tangerine
Sports/Adventure/Games:
Watch hockey or play hockey or knee hockey or xbox NHL hockey
Watch golf, Go golfing or to Topgolf or mini golf or a golf simulator
Go fishing or watch an episode of YBS Youngbloods on YouTube
Go Snowboarding or skiing
Watch Olympic Hockey and Snowboarding - He would be pumped that so many MN Wild players are competing!!!
Go to the gym for a workout and give it 100%
Go on a long hike
Make a bonfire and sit with friends! Tell stories and enjoy one of his drinks! Make S’mores
Play a card game, a board game, or Zilch (dice game we frequent at the cabin)
Movies/Shows:
Any Adam Sandler movie
Any Will Ferrell movie
Jack Ryan series - Prime
Loudermilk - Netflix
Trailer Park Boys - I don’t care for this show…it’s for dudes
Snuggle your DOG or favorite pet while watching
Wear:
Wear something MN Wild
Wear something GREEN
Wear his Hammermade shirt if you have one
Wear your Everywhere Still hats or sweatshirts - www.EverywhereStill.com (I’m working on this website to raise funds to support cancer kiddos and families…sign up for the newsletter!!)
Notice Beauty:
Look at the mountains and admire the view
Sit in the sun and bask in the healing warmth
Swim in the ocean or walk on the beach - write his name in the sand!
Bundle up and walk outside in the cold
Watch the sunrise or the sunset or BOTH in the same day
Go for a scenic drive…roll your window down for a bit even if it's cold
Admire a cool car you see or clean YOUR car so you LOVE it again
Release a green balloon and watch it carry your love to AJ in heaven
Music:
Listen to Bob Marley - Three Little Birds - and think about being on the beach with a beer
Listen to classic rock
Listen to some rap pump you up music as you drive and do a SAFE little tiny back roads “spinny spinny” drift in the snow…safety first please…do NOT give your mom a heart attack!!!